Its seems that every year Christmas starts earlier and earlier, and before I've even put on my turkey-eating pants and pilgrim bonnet, I'm rocking out to "Jingle to Bells" on the radio and getting hot flashes in department stores that are swarming with pre-holiday shoppers. I recently read in the Chicago Tribune that due to rising housing costs and gas topping $3 a gallon, retailers have started the winter season "early" to encourage more sales over the longer period of time - as if offering Christmas sales two weeks earlier than normal will make people forget about taxes, energy costs and gas. Or will it? I recently filled up on $3.19/gallon gas just to join all the fruitcakes and nutcrackers at the mall for some great deals, and to celebrate those deals, I treated myself to a $4.50 Starbucks Peppermint Mocha, a holiday edition drink, of course.
With or without troubling economic times, I feel like the winter holiday season makes up 9 out of the 12 months of the year, and as retailers have taken it upon themselves to defy time and nature, I seem to feel like a majority of my life is spent preparing for, then enjoying, then finally recovering from the holiday. I think this feeling is shared by many, especially those who are constantly a holiday host finding themselves cooking, organizing, decorating, wrapping, spending, crying, burning... the list of "-ing"s goes on. The early onset of Jingle Bells leads to one big Jingle HELL as those who find the holidays stressful to begin with, begin to twitch like an anxiety ridden elf as Santa shows up at the mall before the Thanksgiving menu is even planned.
For me to admit that I'm all about officially starting the holiday season after Thanksgiving would be a lie. I will admit that when 93.9 FM started playing Christmas music on November 1st, I tuned in. Gone are the days of Maroon 5, Beyonce and Coldplay - Bing Crosby, Josh Grobin and Nat King Cole now serenade me every morning as I drive my all wheel drive sleigh. So with the support of my radio and the good, money hungry American retailers, Christmas lasts for about 60 days... on the 60th day of Christmas, what do you give your true love?!
For someone like my mom, who seems to be a recurring character in my blog posts (take it as a compliment, Mama P!), you get your love a swift kick in the arse on the 60th day of Christmas and tell them to "get over it". My mom is the perfect example of someone who resents the early arrival of Christmas because to her, the overexposed holiday is beginning to lose all meaning as angry shoppers aggressively push their way through store aisles just to get their grubby hands on gifts that we all know will end up being returned on December 26th, which is an aspect of the holidays that I've grown to detest: "The Day After Christmas Present Return Rush". What's wrong with you people? You so desperately hated that duck sweater you got from Aunt Jean that you must immediately return it or else you'll be naked?! You don't have any other sweaters to cover your cold, ungrateful heart? Oh, I see, you need to make sure you take advantage of all those sales, which just really end up being the returned gifts of strangers who you have no idea where their hands have been.
Present returning aside, what's funny is that, during the holidays, my mom becomes the love child of Scrooge and Martha Stewart. She will host lavish dinners for our close family friends that ooze thought, care and Christmas joy, but during the preparation she is "Sargent Santa" as she instructs her minions to sculpt Christmas trees out of butter sticks and fold napkins into a Nativity scenes as she tirelessly toils over the perfect bow. Throughout the preparation she utters at least a few times that "Christmas comes too early", "Why does it feel that we were just hosting a holiday party?", or my favorite, "You're not sculpting those butter sticks fast enough and are ruining Christmas... again". Okay, the last one is stretch, but my poor mother is so tainted by the early onset of the holidays, that her normal sweet, gracious demeanor turns bitter and raw.
My mom isn't the only one who feels that holidays aren't what they used to be and ends up resenting the early arrival of twinkling lights instead of embracing them. I agree that as I've gotten older, I've come to realize the stress that comes with the season because gone are the days of a $1/week allowance and letters to Santa. Now, as an "adult", my family knows that I spend my days working at a real job, which in turn gives me real money, so noodle necklaces for gifts don't quite cut it any more, and I unfortunately found out last year that Santa does not truly exist, and a piece of holiday magic was forever lost.
But enough about the stress of the holidays! I'm on a mission to enjoy the early onset of "Jingle Bells" because I figured out that you just can't escape it. I have decided to take the agressive pre-holiday shoppers as a sign to make my Christmas memories last, because unlike my noodle necklace making, Santa believing days, the actual moments of joy don't seem to last like they used to. Do you remember how long you waited for December 25th when you were a kid? I used to make a countdown calendar and I felt like that life was moving in a vat of Jell-O as I waited impaitently for Christmas Eve. Now, as an adult, one day I'm listening to "White Christmas" on the radio and the next I'm boxing up ornaments, wearing my duck sweater (what? Unlike you all, I appreciate Aunt Jean's wacky gifts), wishing I could have enjoyed the season just a bit more.
So remember that YOU make the holidays bright and its up to you to ignore those things that bring a dark cloud over your cheer, be it the early Christmas carols on the radio, expensive gifts for relatives you haven't seen since the last holiday season, the pushy bargain hunters or butter sticks shaped like Christmas trees. Don't want to spend a lot of money this year? Don't. Is it pain to cook? Order some food in. No matter what you do, don't be distracted by retailers because the holidays are a time to celebrate, not commiserate.
And to my mom who gets antsy at the sight of garland before Thanksgiving: I hope you know that you make our family's holiday bright with your attention to detail and thoughtfulness and although I complain about sculpting butter, nothing tastes better than a roll buttered with my masterpiece. This year, let's take those things that make you nuts about the holidays and make one damn good fruitcake!
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