The Party Formally Known as NYE

The last remaining bits of Thanksgiving dinner are being re-heated for the final time and the chaos of "Black Friday" and "Cyber Monday" are just mere memories of terror and retail havoc. The holidays are officially in full swing, but gone are the days of obsessively talking about decorations and gifts as the current hot topic is, "What are YOU doing for New Year's Eve?!"

To me, this discussion seems pre-mature, but then again I'm no expert because I don't even know the "lingo" that surrounds the festive, booze drenched night. Need an example of my novice status? A high school friend recently emailed me and the subject line of the note was, "NYE". My first thought? She must be traveling to New York City and mistyped. I'm not even kidding. Once I was able to decipher the mysterious code, we had a conversation about our plans and she "gasped" in disgust via email with the infamous and always mocking ":-O", as I told her I had not really thought about...

Ah, the ever popular New Year's Eve party. For the past few weeks hotels, bars and other venues that can accommodate hundreds of drunk, sweaty gropers, have been soliciting "all you can drink and eat" party tickets starting at about $100 a pop. Based on my previous experience, these NYE (see, I'm hip with the lingo now) hot spots seem to have taken it upon themselves to redefine the term "ALL" as they serve watered down drinks and remnants of what used to be appetizers. You stand in a line for the bar to get the most of your 100 bucks along with 526 people, 3 of whom you actually recognize and 523 of whom you hope won't engage you in drunk conversation, just to get in front of an overworked bartender instructed to keep the booze light and the mixers heavy.

As you chug 12 sequential cocktails, in hopes that the combined 2 shots of liquor in them will somehow go straight to your head so "THAT clingy girl" or "THAT sweat stained guy" doesn't annoy you as much, you find yourself hungry and see what looks like a battle ground with the remains of defenseless cheap appetizers, pillaged by aggressive, drunk gluttons. There, laying on hot turned room temperature serving trays, are a few pigs without their blankets and some stray, browning garnish - yum.

Now it's approaching midnight - you're tired from standing for hours on end in the drink line only to be served what tastes like a vodka tonic without vodka... your stomach is growling after being beaten by the masses to the food and that stray, browning garnish is sadly starting to look appetizing... you have been groped by a multitude of strangers wearing those "2008" sunglasses with the "00" for the eyes... then you realize that you lost your "group". The people you came with are lost in a sea of sparkly top hats, party horns and noise makers. You don't recognize anyone and begin to wonder how these strangers became so drunk if you were all being served the same drinks. [SIDE NOTE: A crucial part of going to one of these NYE parties, and something that these venues rely on, is PRE-drinking, so that when you arrive to the destination, you are so blitzed that you don't even know what year it is or what year its going to be, making you less likely to be annoyed by the masses and in turn, less likely to complain about the weak drinks and blanket-less pigs.]

And then... 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1... HAPPY... "who's that touching my butt?!", "no, I won't kiss you, creep!", "where is my boyfriend?!", "is that him kissing that blond bimbo in the corner?!" What a night.

I realize this is a very biased opinion and I'm not trying to insult those loyal NYE party goers as I know that if you mix the right friends with the right place at the right price, you'll have a blast no matter what. I believe it was Prince who said it best, "We're running out of time, so tonight I'm gonna party like its 1999". So make like it's 1999 and enjoy the festivities whether you're at a bar, a hotel, a back alley or face down, passed out on your lawn because to each its own for the party formally known as NYE.