I'm Like a Bridal Version of Richard Simmons

Need to go on a diet? Get engaged.

If one word could describe the concept of marriage it would be “weight.” Once a man proposes, he is warned about his impending “ball and chain” of a wife. His social life will now be weighed down by trips to Home Depot and Bed, Bath & Beyond. Another single man sinks to the bottom of the domestic sea.

An engagement ring is also an example of the weight of marriage – a diamond is referred to as a “rock.” The bigger and heavier the rock, the happier and more envied the bride.

I was looking at wedding invitations the other day and was asked what kind of paper weight I wanted. The heavier the paper, the heavier the price tag. I didn’t even know the terms “heavy” and “paper” could be used in the same sentence.

And then there are the bodies of the bride and groom. I had heard before I got engaged that weight just “melts” off a bride when they are feverishly planning a wedding, and then ironically enough, the weight packs itself back on after commitments have been made securely and you’re back into your usual, comfortable routine.

Weight. It is lurking around every corner as I plan my own wedding, but I was certain when I got engaged it would have nothing to do with my body.

First let me say that I’m a pretty solid girl… not heavy, solid. In fact, if I visit a doctor’s office, I leave the nurses confused wondering how I could look fairly thin, but then weigh like I'm holding my purse on the scale with me… a purse filled with dumbbells.

Keeping with the wedding theme of this post, I like to describe my appearance in correlation with my actual weight through a wedding band metaphor. You see two silver rings – one is white gold and one is platinum. They LOOK exactly the same. They are the same size and width, but then when you hold them, the platinum band is considerably heavier… in this example quality weighs more, so I like to think that I carry around at least 10 extra pounds of pure QUALITY.

And my size rarely changes no matter how much I exercise or eat. I still wear some of my clothes from high school for God’s sake. Now don’t get me wrong, since high school, a lot more bumps and lumps have shown up, but nothing that I can’t tuck away easily and give the illusion of stunted fat growth.

So you get the point - I’ve been a solid, unchanging girl for the past 24 years of my life. Until recently. In the midst of fretting over the weight of paper paired with the weight of some other oh-so-fun stresses associated with wedding plans, I managed to knock off six pounds. Most of you probably turn up your nose at single digit weight loss, but for this hunk of meat, that means a lot.

It seems that as I weigh out the pros and cons of various wedding decisions, I’ve managed to go from a Big Mac to a Quarter Pounder (with cheese… if I lose another a couple pounds I’ll knock off the dairy.)

Food metaphors aside (its 4:30 pm, I’m due for a snack), I think I can personally now vouch that if nothing else, engagement definitely forces you to gain and lose weight both figuratively and literally … you take on new projects, new families and new responsibilities which are like those weights that you strap to your ankles for an intense workout. Then you’re forced to pick up the pace and not only move through the chaos of your every day routine, but also work on pulling together the single most important day of your life. And during all of this, you don’t have time for that midday munchie you’re so used to.

I'm going to embrace this heavy time and enjoy every moment of it, even if I don't lose another literal pound. Like a bridal version of Richard Simmons, I’m going to move forward upbeat and sweatin’ to the songs of marriage...