Shaved Eyebrows & Red Pumps

“Everything happens for a reason.”

Has anyone ever said that to you when things weren’t going your way? Or when something doesn’t quite work out like you had hoped? You’ll often hear this phrase when you didn’t get that job you wanted or when you’re faced with an illness or basically anytime when something pretty negative happens. When you and friend go to a shoe store and they don’t have those adorable red pumps in a size 8.5, you don’t turn to each other and say this phrase because situations like that are far too trivial... you say this to someone when you know that whatever just happened will leave them questioning their life’s happiness... and although I LOVE shoes, I wouldn’t lose sleep over red pumps... but they would have looked so cute with that new dress I bought... damn.

Someone told me, “everything happens for a reason” in response to a recent letdown I experienced and although it seems like such a standard response to anything discouraging that comes our way, there is a lot of truth in that statement and it really made me get all philosophical (don’t worry, I’m not getting all soft on you, this philosophical thinking only lasted only for a moment and then I was back to thinking about where I could find red pumps in a size 8.5).

So why does everything happen for a reason?

One of the earliest “everything happens for a reason” comments I received was when I was applying to colleges my junior year of high school. I wanted to go to Notre Dame so badly. Maybe I had just watched Rudy too many times, but I so desperately wanted to get accepted there. I remember when my “thanks, but no thanks” letter came in the mail from Notre Dame - it was like a postcard you get from the dentist reminding you about your teeth cleaning – simple, straightforward and bearing bad news. That’s when my mom told me, “everything happens for a reason”. At that time, I was just bummed that I would have to go to my second choice school and never be able to have a football stadium chant my name in unison when the coach put me in the final moments of the game. Wait. Wrong person.

Anyway, what was the “reason” for me not to get accepted to Notre Dame? Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I was meant to cheer for a football team that actually wins games, live in one of the greatest, family-friendly cities in the country, meet my husband and learn what cheese curd should TRULY taste like.

Okay, okay, I realize that I would have liked any college I went to, because its college for the love of God - four beautiful years of bliss pretending that you’re independent, when in reality, you’re just relying on your parents long distance - but I would really like to think that my life is better because something I wanted to happen didn’t actually work out.

Another example for you - I would LOVE to not have random illnesses. If you remember correctly from a past blog post, I’m the queen of mysterious diseases and medical issues, and these maladies have impaired me throughout my life. Trust me, I would much rather be shopping for shoes instead of sitting in the fetal position nursing a side pain that feels like I just swallowed a spork. But let’s say “everything happens for a reason” in response to my health.

[Word of caution: do NOT say this phrase to me when I’m experiencing the actual pain... if I’m in pain and you say this, I’ll punch you in the face and say “everything happens for a reason, like I punched you in the face because you’re a moron”. You just can’t be philosophical with someone who is immediate pain or distress – so if your friend accidentally shaves off her eyebrows, don’t say this in the moment because at that time, your now expressionless friend will chase with a razor to make you her hairless twin - let it lie for a moment and when her eyebrows grow back with the perfect arch she never had before, you can then say, “see, everything happens for a reason”.]

But enough about eyebrows and back to my pain. When I sit and reflect on my ailments I realize that I’m stronger and smarter for having them. My physical pain has beefed up my brain and I can handle stressful social and professional situations a lot better than some of my pain-free counterparts. And since I know what its like to hurt, I appreciate life that much more when I don’t. I sometimes don’t think people realize how great life is when you don’t have to worry about your body betraying you.

But don't cry for me Argentina; my pain could be A LOT worse. And if nothing else, I’ll be a better mother as I think I’ve experienced every possible weird thing that could happen to my kids and know how to intelligently address it.

My kid: “Mommy, I feel like I’m stuck in a snow globe and someone is shaking it.”

Me: “Oh, don’t sweat it – you probably caught the vertigo virus, so I’ll take you the doctor where he’ll knock your head around to dislodge the crystals formed on your inner ear from the virus and they’ll prescribe a high doze of motion sickness medication. Now scoot."

My poor kids will receive no sympathy from this mom.

Okay, so you may find that my examples aren’t deep nor are they philosophical, but you get my point. I guess I’m trying to say that if you’re going through a rough time, just remember that this time has a purpose in your life. And if you can’t think of why you should be living with a mysterious pain or why you didn’t get the job of your dreams or why not having eyebrows for a few months will actually benefit you, just remember that some of the best things that can happen to you are those things that actually didn’t. (now ponder THAT philosophical statement for a while...)

Never Underestimate a Tuesday

If you were to be any day of the week, what would you be? At first thought, I bet you’d NEVER be Tuesday. Think about it... everyone hates Monday because it’s the start of the week, but at least it’s a powerful day regardless of its negative connotation. Wednesday is “hump day” – how fun is that? This day has its own nickname, thus a beloved addition to the calendar and represents the light at the end of the work week tunnel. Thursday is the “cool kid” on the block as it’s known by many as “Thirsty Thursday” and the preliminary start of the weekend... once you hit Thursday, you know Friday is right around the corner. And Friday. God bless Friday. What a day. You may still have a job to do but you can hear the weekend knocking and if you work, you know that Friday is always a slow, mellow day in the office (not my office per say, but I’ve heard rumors that low-key Fridays do exist). Saturday is Saturday. Enough said. And Sunday is not only holy, but also is the quintessential “school night”.

So what’s Tuesday other than boring? What a random day. It’s not bad or good. It just sits there after the most hated day of the week and waits to introduce hump day. Talk about being a red headed step child.

However, if I have learned anything over the years, it’s to never take a single day for granted and to never underestimate the importance of a Tuesday. Heck, I would even venture to say that I would willingly identify with a Tuesday because the red headed step child day of the week has changed my life.

It was a Tuesday night during the April of my sophomore year at college and I was living every young man’s dream – I was calling a house packed with sorority girls my home, participating in occasional pillow fights and gossiping all night long, scantily clad in boy shorts and a tank top (only some of that is true, and to avoid crushing teenage boys dreams everywhere, I won’t divulge which parts).

I remember this specific Tuesday night so well. Earlier that evening I took a run through campus listening to my Discman – yes, this was the PRE-iPod era – and I remember later that night I wore cropped jeans with one of those ponchos that were so popular at the time – the ones that went over your head and ultimately looked like you were trying to hide a good 50 lbs of weight. That night our house cook made spaghetti for dinner paired with a terrible Oreo cheesecake for dessert. I remember this specific Tuesday night so well.

This specific Tuesday night, my sorority was hosting a dinner for a fraternity that just established itself on campus. Like any good sorority girls, we needed to be cordial and invite these young men to our house to make a good impression, which would consequently lead them to believe that our house was THE best house with THE best girls and maintain our competitive advantage in the Greek system – ah, those were some good, shallow times. And on this specific Tuesday night, I met someone very special.

Fast forward four years.

It was a Tuesday night during the April of my sophomore year of life (aka, two years out of college) and I remember this specific Tuesday night so well. Just like that Tuesday night four year ago, I remember what I wore, what I ate and what I did that day. The special someone who I met just four years prior, was with me this Tuesday night, but instead of sitting across from me at a sorority dinner, he was on one knee asking me to spend the rest of my life with him. I'll remember this specific Tuesday forever.

As I begin to plan my life with this person, I look forward to EVERY single day, because I know that each day can bring something exciting. Based on my experience, I’ve promised myself to not fear Mondays and wish for Saturdays, but to embrace the entire week because you never know what life changing moment can happen on a boring Tuesday night.

"Anyone Have $.25?"

I went to school in Madison, Wisconsin, which has to be hands down the homeless capital of the world.

(Side note: Is it just me or is that strange? I’ve grown up in the Midwest my entire life and braved my share of winter storms, but nothing and I mean NOTHING, can prepare you for the winters of Wisconsin, which seem to last unusually long. It wasn’t until I started college that I understood the purpose of sweat shirt hoods, long underwear and gloves underneath mittens, but somehow homeless individuals like to establish themselves in this town where “Flip Cup” isn’t played because its fun, it’s played because the competitive beer game keeps you warm – more or less, heavy drinking in Madison is a way of winter survival.)

Anyway, the homeless population in my college town was a staple to our campus as students always had their favorite pan handler, and looking back on things, a college town, filled with preppy, often drunk kids willing to drop crisp bills at bar time with the cajoling of their equally drunk counterparts, is a very smart place for a down-and-out individual to plant their destitute roots.

I remember my favorite Madison pan handler – we called him “Anyone Have $.25 Guy”. He was a portly gentleman, about 5 feet 5 inches, who always wore baseball-like pants with knee socks. He would roam campus holding a brief case completely covered in black duct tape and would only say one phrase, “anyone have $.25?”. I personally liked him because he was no nonsense – first, he was only asking for a modest $.25 while others would corner you for 5 bucks and second, he gave no sob story and no excuses, he just laid it out there, asking for a quarter – take it or leave it.

About four years ago, right about this time of year, some close friends and I, who all had penchant for “Anyone Have $.25 Guy”, took a Styrofoam cup and filled it up with all the spare change we could find to give to our beloved campus pan handler. We dug up about 8 bucks in change, and wanted to deliver the holiday surprise before heading home for Winter break.

As we combed the streets searching for our baseball pant wearing street dweller, we saw him through a window at Pizza Hut counting pennies on the counter as an impatient employee rolled his eyes in disgust. And then, just like the Fantastic Four, my friends and I swooped into Pizza Hut, slammed the change filled cup on the counter and said, “Merry Christmas - this meal is on us!” (Actually, if I remember correctly, we were all a little unsettled by the fact that we spent about 30 minutes stalking a homeless man, so I think we just set down the cup and ran. Either way, we made our delivery, and “Anyone Have $.25 Guy” had a hot meal that night.)

And get this... the next day, we saw him standing in his usual spot, pizza stains on his shirt, asking, “Anyone have 8 bucks of change?” Just Kidding! Wouldn’t that be funny though?

I write about this memory because a) I just think it’s funny envisioning 4 college girls searching the streets of Madison for a homeless man, and b) as the winter weather hovers over the Midwest ready to pounce with frigid temperatures and buckets of snow, it’s always nice to remember how lucky you are to have a roof over your head, and although you most likely do not want to support the lifestyle of those who make the street their home, remember that during this season it can’t hurt to give someone in need just a modest $.25.

The Soundtrack to Your Life: "Who's that Girl?"

If you could have a boom box follow you around in your day to day life, what song would be blasting from the speakers? If you could pick a soundtrack to represent your life, what would it be?

A very dear, close, crazy friend of mine would always ask me this question when we were in college and we would laugh about the various tunes that would represent our lives. She said that her life's anthem would revolve around Eve's "Who's That Girl" and envisioned Flavor Flav following her down campus streets, with a 1981 boom box perched on his shoulder blasting THE song that represented her life. She always blared it through her headphones whenever she dominated an exam and in some cases, even when she didn't do so well, just to remind her that she's DA GIRL and nothing could break her stride.

These late night conversations about the soundtrack to our lives with my dear, close, crazy friend are some of my favorite college memories, and at the time, I found the concept to be kind of bizarre and just truly a funny thing to think about with a glass a wine. At the risk of sounding cliche, my college experience was truly the best four years of my life (so far) and if I had to pick a song that would represent those years it would be difficult. Was it Prince who wrote, "My Life is Really Great and I Don't Want to Graduate"? No? I didn't think so either.

It wasn't until I graduated and started my full-time job that my life's soundtrack unfolded and for the past 1.5 years, I have been compiling "My Life's Greatest Hits: 1.5". Just like Jock Jams and Now That's What I Call Music, this soundtrack is just one of many editions to come, because unlike my dear, close, crazy friend, who was able to nail down THE song that represented her life, I have found that my life requires many tunes - some accompanied by Flavor Flav holding a boom box, whiles others need to be paired with Celine Dion and a sold out crowd.

Below is what version "1.5" looks like for me (with the holidays approaching, this soundtrack would make a great stocking stuffer):

1. Say it Ain't So by Weezer - "WHAT?! So you're saying I have to graduate and get a job?!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YU7LZts87Zg)
2. Gotta Get Thru This by David Bedingfield - This was my pump up song to shake off the post graduation blues and its techno beat would inspire me during my 6 am commute.(http://homepage.ntlworld.com/gary.hart/lyricsb/bedingfield.html)
3. Bad Day by Daniel Powter - Um, yeah. This song was my anthem for a while; I was missing my college friends and I was trying to get used to the real world. If you couldn't find me in the phone book it was because I was going by "Debbie Downer" at the time. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIcFgl6zf3A)
4. Crazy by Gnarls Barkley - I think I just lost my damn mind for a moment or two. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bd2B6SjMh_w)
5. Ain't No Mountain High Enough preformed by Diana Ross - I was finally coming to terms with life after college and succeeding at my career; the fact that I had a "career" was an accomplishment and I started to get a little skip in my step knowing that I could really beat the odds. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ain)
6. Home by Michael Buble - I was traveling a lot for while and I would listen to this song as I looked out the airplane window - I kid you not. I know, I'm lame. But it was when I was listening to this song, missing home, that I realized that my life truly had a soundtrack. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDQnkYwfNfk)
7. Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall - Call it breakthrough. Call it breakdown. Call it whatever you want. I suddenly saw that life goes on after college and actually can be just as great. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-At6avvY_4)
8. SexyBack by Justin Timberlake - Oh, yeah - my Sexy was Back! Well, I don't know if it ever actually left... but I just felt the need to include JT in my compilation. (http://www.completealbumlyrics.com/lyric/130587/Justin+Timberlake+-+Sexyback.html)
9. Glamorous by Fergie - I was finding ways to spice up my life,and have been living G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S life every since, or at least trying to! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOQvcMLll4E)
10. Who's That Girl by Eve - In honor of my dear, close, crazy friend, the last song on the soundtrack to my life, edition 1.5, is dedicated to her for making me realize that no matter how down you can be, you can't help but to smile if you think of Flavor Flav following you with a boom box, playing THE song that represents your life.(http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/eve/whosthatgirl.html)

So, what's YOUR life's soundtrack?

Random Acts of Kindness

Tis' the season for candy corn and tis' the morning for a random act of kindness.

I always dread waking up at 5 am every morning to make my daily, grueling commute. Monday mornings are especially hard, and I feel like I'm back in the 7th grade because I once again consider Sunday nights the worst "school night" of all - the fun of the weekend comes to a screeching halt and I have to crawl into bed early and start a full week of work... all over again.

This morning started like every other - I arrived at work, sifted through the 100+ emails that landed in my inbox over the weekend, eyed my schedule for the day and wished I was still buried in my glorious bed - but then some kindness, mixed with some candy corn, changed my entire morning... my colleague, friend and cube neighbor, knowing my love for candy corn, dropped two huge bags filled with the sugary goodness on my desk with a note recognizing a recent project we worked on together that turned out to a be a great success.

Two things come to mind: first, Brach's bags filled with corn and pumpkins can truly make any day a good day and second, a random act of kindness can make your day, your week or even just your life, better. I know, I know, I should stop being emotional about Halloween candy, but on a gloomy Monday morning, having someone acknowledge a job well done with something that they know you enjoy, can make you realize that are so many little things to look forward to each day, and each day - EVEN Monday - is another chance to experience a random act of kindness which reminds you that you are surrounded by good people.

So, to my candy corn-giving colleague - thank you for making my morning so much better, in fact, I've almost forgotten about my glorious bed and the fact that's it only 9 am on a Monday. And to everyone else - whether you give someone a bag of candy corn, a quick note or a pat on the back, remember that it feels just as good to give as it does to receive.