Has anyone ever said that to you when things weren’t going your way? Or when something doesn’t quite work out like you had hoped? You’ll often hear this phrase when you didn’t get that job you wanted or when you’re faced with an illness or basically anytime when something pretty negative happens. When you and friend go to a shoe store and they don’t have those adorable red pumps in a size 8.5, you don’t turn to each other and say this phrase because situations like that are far too trivial... you say this to someone when you know that whatever just happened will leave them questioning their life’s happiness... and although I LOVE shoes, I wouldn’t lose sleep over red pumps... but they would have looked so cute with that new dress I bought... damn.
Someone told me, “everything happens for a reason” in response to a recent letdown I experienced and although it seems like such a standard response to anything discouraging that comes our way, there is a lot of truth in that statement and it really made me get all philosophical (don’t worry, I’m not getting all soft on you, this philosophical thinking only lasted only for a moment and then I was back to thinking about where I could find red pumps in a size 8.5).
So why does everything happen for a reason?
One of the earliest “everything happens for a reason” comments I received was when I was applying to colleges my junior year of high school. I wanted to go to Notre Dame so badly. Maybe I had just watched Rudy too many times, but I so desperately wanted to get accepted there. I remember when my “thanks, but no thanks” letter came in the mail from Notre Dame - it was like a postcard you get from the dentist reminding you about your teeth cleaning – simple, straightforward and bearing bad news. That’s when my mom told me, “everything happens for a reason”. At that time, I was just bummed that I would have to go to my second choice school and never be able to have a football stadium chant my name in unison when the coach put me in the final moments of the game. Wait. Wrong person.
Anyway, what was the “reason” for me not to get accepted to Notre Dame? Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I was meant to cheer for a football team that actually wins games, live in one of the greatest, family-friendly cities in the country, meet my husband and learn what cheese curd should TRULY taste like.
Okay, okay, I realize that I would have liked any college I went to, because its college for the love of God - four beautiful years of bliss pretending that you’re independent, when in reality, you’re just relying on your parents long distance - but I would really like to think that my life is better because something I wanted to happen didn’t actually work out.
Another example for you - I would LOVE to not have random illnesses. If you remember correctly from a past blog post, I’m the queen of mysterious diseases and medical issues, and these maladies have impaired me throughout my life. Trust me, I would much rather be shopping for shoes instead of sitting in the fetal position nursing a side pain that feels like I just swallowed a spork. But let’s say “everything happens for a reason” in response to my health.
[Word of caution: do NOT say this phrase to me when I’m experiencing the actual pain... if I’m in pain and you say this, I’ll punch you in the face and say “everything happens for a reason, like I punched you in the face because you’re a moron”. You just can’t be philosophical with someone who is immediate pain or distress – so if your friend accidentally shaves off her eyebrows, don’t say this in the moment because at that time, your now expressionless friend will chase with a razor to make you her hairless twin - let it lie for a moment and when her eyebrows grow back with the perfect arch she never had before, you can then say, “see, everything happens for a reason”.]
But enough about eyebrows and back to my pain. When I sit and reflect on my ailments I realize that I’m stronger and smarter for having them. My physical pain has beefed up my brain and I can handle stressful social and professional situations a lot better than some of my pain-free counterparts. And since I know what its like to hurt, I appreciate life that much more when I don’t. I sometimes don’t think people realize how great life is when you don’t have to worry about your body betraying you.
But don't cry for me Argentina; my pain could be A LOT worse. And if nothing else, I’ll be a better mother as I think I’ve experienced every possible weird thing that could happen to my kids and know how to intelligently address it.
My kid: “Mommy, I feel like I’m stuck in a snow globe and someone is shaking it.”
Me: “Oh, don’t sweat it – you probably caught the vertigo virus, so I’ll take you the doctor where he’ll knock your head around to dislodge the crystals formed on your inner ear from the virus and they’ll prescribe a high doze of motion sickness medication. Now scoot."
My poor kids will receive no sympathy from this mom.
Okay, so you may find that my examples aren’t deep nor are they philosophical, but you get my point. I guess I’m trying to say that if you’re going through a rough time, just remember that this time has a purpose in your life. And if you can’t think of why you should be living with a mysterious pain or why you didn’t get the job of your dreams or why not having eyebrows for a few months will actually benefit you, just remember that some of the best things that can happen to you are those things that actually didn’t. (now ponder THAT philosophical statement for a while...)
