The "Train Wave"

What? ANOTHER post about riding the train you say? Get over it. I’m a commuter and will spend half of my adult life sitting in the last car of the Metra, right side, 4th seat up, and it’s only natural to write about what you know... and I know trains.

So, the “Train Wave”. What the heck is the "Train Wave" or better yet, my burning question is why does it even exist to begin with??

The next time you ride a train, look out the window and you’ll slowly begin to notice that the most random people wave as your train passes by. Now, I’m NOT talking about the cute little kids, who wave their adorable chubby hands as they wait for daddy to get off the train or the lame heartbroken boyfriend who waves farewell to his probably not-gonna-last for another week girlfriend who gets on the train to go to summer camp... “Buddy, she’s coming back eventually, but probably with a new boyfriend, so stop lamely waving”.

I’m talking about grown adults, who are taking a morning jog through their neighborhood or walking to the end of their driveway to pick up the paper who WAVE AS THE TRAIN PASSES BY – thus the term, “Train Wave”. (Note that although this behavior exists, I made up that term, so use it with caution to avoid embarrassment when you suddenly realize that it’s not a universally embraced term.)

So back to these adult, able minded train wavers. Why do they wave to a train in the distance when they know that the hundreds of people who are riding it will just end up staring at them thinking that they look ridiculous in their tight running shorts or funny in their fluffy bath robe? Do they know someone on the train and just hope that their drive by waving will catch the eye of their loved one? Probably not. These train wavers are waving at complete strangers, for what reason, I don’t know.

If you think I’m being tough on these nut bars, I would ask you to then walk outside and wave to someone you don’t know - and accidentally waving to a person who looked like your best friend in a crowded bar doesn’t count. I’m talking about stretching out your hand muscles, going into the Chicago loop, standing on the street and waving... to anyone and everyone... you’ll soon be the best dressed homeless, crazy person anyone has ever seen.

This morning, my train passed a construction site and a few of the sweaty guys started waving at it – note that you can’t see through the windows very well and most of these “Train Waves” happen from pretty far away, so its not like they saw a hot young dish and wanted to live up to the dirty construction worker stereotype and ogle her. And then we passed through another town and some landscapers literally put down their rakes and starting waving as we went by. It was like the Metra transformed into the Pope-Mobile or something and all its riders were his holiness. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

The best one is this lady who jogs every morning alongside the street that follows the tracks. She will do the “no eye contact Train Wave” as she keeps her eyes straight ahead with determination as she runs, yet will raise her right and wave like crazy not even breaking her stare. It’s like she was told that if she doesn’t wave like a moron to the trains that pass by she’ll be struck down by lightening. This is truly perplexing to me because when I’m not riding the train and see one pass, I don’t instinctively start convulsing with happiness and try to get the attention of the strangers within the mysterious locomotive.

Since I experienced so many “Train Waves” this morning, I’ve been trying to think of instances in which you’d publically wave at a stranger. Like during one of the parades at Disney. In that instance, you wave like crazy to Minnie Mouse who is probably an out of luck dude looking for extra money, but that doesn’t even come close to “Train Wave” because you are in a setting that permits and expects it.

But, if Minnie Mouse were to pop up randomly on the street of your home town, I bet that you wouldn’t start waving at her (or in some cases, under the costume, him), you’d probably think, “who’s the jerk who stole that costume?” See, there is a time and a place for random acts of waveness, so I don’t get how trains constitute as that appropriate time and place.

So as I wait for the answers to address this phenomenon, I’ll continue to ride the train, looking out at my “fans” who wave at me like Minnie Mouse on parade. Yeah, it still creeps me out.

My Big, Fat, Chicago Wedding

It’s official. I’m getting hitched. And it seems that finding the man was the easy part.

The cost of a kidney on the black market is cheaper than the cost of a nice wedding. And I’m not even talking about “Hollywood” nice. I’m talking about “beautiful, but not over the top because I’m not a celebrity making millions” nice. I’m no Beverly Hills princess; I’m just a nice girl from the Chicago suburbs and all I want is a tasteful reception that isn’t held in a tacky banquet hall that looks like it came straight out of “My Big, Fat Greek Wedding” – is that too much to ask for? Apparently.

So here I am. Just at the start of my wedding planning and I’ve already had bridal induced heartburn.

I recently read an article about how although the economy continues to decline, the wedding business continues to increase and the amount of money spent on receptions rises quicker than prices at the gas pump. Some couples are going broke just so they can host an event where they will most likely not be able to eat or drink what they are paying for, be forced to slow dance with creepy Uncle Lester and crazy Aunt Marge and then be left with a collection of useless kitchen gadgets. On top of that, the planning for this blessed event probably consumed 12+ months of their lives, caused numerous arguments and was the source of frequent tears. Well, when you think about it, I guess that’s actually a lot of bang for your buck.

You may start to wonder... why would I even bother planning a traditional wedding? Why waste money, tears and antacids when I can just hop on a plane to Vegas? Or better yet, why not just make a toast with tequila and do a beach wedding in Mexico? Yes, the thought has crossed my mind and it may cross my mind again when I’m battling over who gets cut from the guest list... but at the end of the day, I’m THAT girl who dreamt about her wedding since she was little and I didn’t envision getting married by Elvis or having a mariachi band as the entertainment. Plus, I don’t have a creepy Uncle Lester, so I can rest assured that my tushy won’t be squeezed by any drunk, twice removed relatives.

So, my childhood dreams have put me in a wedding vendor headlock – I will have to succumb to extra fees and upgraded linens... so I’ll just skip my daily Starbucks run to save more money, I’ll try to leave my sensitivity at the door and realize that I can’t please EVERYONE (this will be the HARDEST thing for me to do)... oh wait, there is one thing that I have to deal with that can’t be avoided: competition.

My sister got married 1.5 years ago and she had a lovely wedding. The venue was great, the food was great, the music was great, the speeches were great (ahem, one of them being my own, ahem), and it all happened for a great price (or at least “great” in comparison of what I’m looking at). Grrrreeeeeaaatttt.

The pros of having gone through my sister’s wedding planning is that we know what won’t work... but I’m more concerned about what WILL work. And will my wedding be as great? Okay, okay... I hear you... I shouldn’t compare my day to anyone else’s, but if you were in my shoes you’d feel the same way... its like telling someone the mountain size zit on their forehead doesn’t look “that bad” when you damn well that they look like they have a mini Mt. St. Helen’s on their face.

But enough whining – where do I go from here? Sell one of my kidneys on the black market? Eh, I probably shouldn’t. Snap out of pity party mode and plan the big, fat Chicago wedding of my dreams? Most definitely. As I try to stay level headed, I’ll run into tears, heartburn and bouts of “let’s forget about all of this and go to Vegas”, but in the end it will all be worth it because I'm THAT girl who has dreamt about her wedding since she was little and my dream come true will be waiting for me at the end of the aisle... and THAT is what matters. (oh, and good reception food matters because no one likes a hard potato and tasteless chicken)

No Offense, You Know?

No offense, but I really don’t like when people preface sentences with “no offense”. If you start a statement with that phrase, what you’re really saying to whoever you’re talking to is that what you’re about to spit out will greatly offend them, but because you said “no offense”, they really can’t get mad at you. It’s the proverbial “not it” of the language world.

People who use that phrase almost seem to leverage it to lessen the pain of a rude remark, kind of like mixing medicine into apple sauce to make it go down easier. But for those people who have ever had “no offense, but...” directed at them actually consider the phrase to be the antiseptic wipe right before you feel the pain of a needle – sure, the wipe is nice and cool, but you know what’s coming shortly after and its not going to be fun.

If you’re telling me not be offended, chances are I probably will be, so why insult me with your irony when you should just cut to the chase?

So those are my thoughts on that random, futile “pre” sentence phrase... how about we talk about “post” sentence nonsense like, “you know?” Now that’s another pointless utterance that drives me up a wall because it usually proceeds a confusing/nonsensical statement to signal that the confusing speaker no longer wants to discuss the topic and wants you to ponder the confusing message they just shared.

You will normally hear “you know?” when a person either:

• a) doesn’t want to elaborate any further in fear of insulting you – example? “I just really don’t want your ex-girlfriend there, you know?” Translation? “I really don’t want your ex-girlfriend there because she’s annoying and makes me uncomfortable and I’m angry that you would even suggest she be there”. In this case, the “you know” is understood and I suppose it has eliminated many dramatic confrontations, but I’m all about being honest and if you abuse “you know” in those sensitive situations, you are really just hiding your feelings and you’ll soon be saying, “LISTEN JERK, I HATE YOUR DAMN EX, YOU KNOW???”.
• Or b) doesn’t quite know what to say or do and is confused and hopes you’ll just let it go and figure it out yourself – example? “How about you just do some research, compile it in that report thingy, you know?” Translation? "All I know is that we need to do some research and I'm not sure how to even start it, and I don't even know if we have a report you could repurpose. In fact, I hope you understand it better than I do or just figure it out on your own so I can just walk away now and not feel so dumb." Ugh. That’s the worst use of “you know?” in my book.

And speaking of my book, let me tell you about my own experience with these ineffective phrases. Now don’t get scared, but I had someone use BOTH phrases in ONE sentence... this tale is better left for a late night campfire accompanied with a flashlight held up to my chin, but since I doubt I’ll be roasting marsh mellows with you all around a bond fire anytime soon, I shall divulge the details now...

Someone recently said to me, “No offense, but I just think you’re too serious, you know?” Wow. That’s like mixing medicine in my applesauce, right before you give me a shot, followed by a kick in the stomach. Ouch. This statement drove me crazy because this person assumed I would be offended by being told I was “serious”. Since when is being “serious” a really bad thing? And on top of that, I don’t think I’m serious (this person obviously doesn’t read my blog), so the “you know?” really left me confused because guess what? I DON’T know what you’re talking about and if I asked this person to explain themselves, they would be tongue tied and probably wet themselves.

So, I took this terribly ineffectual comment with a grain of salt and decided it was a compliment because let’s face it, those people who purposely offend you and then can’t explain themselves are most likely just threatened by you or stupid or a combination of both.

So no offense, but how about we all just say what we mean and mean what we say, you know?

Uncomfortable Fridays

I think whoever it was in Corporate America who decided that wearing jeans on Friday would be some kind of privilege must have been wearing sweat pants at the time. Let’s get real, people - if you’re a woman who appreciates good, trendy denim, than you KNOW wearing jeans is not a blessing, it’s a curse.

Jeans are hands down the one clothing item that everyone hates, but yet why are they embraced at work as a symbol of relaxation? Today my company allowed us to wear jeans (I know, I know its Monday... how scandalous!) and let me tell you, I’m everything BUT relaxed. My “work” pants consist of wide legged, high wasted trousers that are far more comfortable than my tight butted, low rise jeans. As I sit here typing, I can feel my jeans digging into the stomach fat that I normally can tuck away in my normal work garb.

You ask, “if you are so confined by your trendy jeans, why don’t you buy more comfortable ones, Stejamoe?” Sure, I’ll wear comfortable Lee jeans with a high waste, wide butt and tapered leg and then you can call me “mom”. No thanks.

So here’s my dilemma - wear your corporate pants which are ultimately more comfortable five days a week and get seen as uptight, but wear jeans on casual Friday and truly be uptight because your pants are well... TIGHT.

When I think casual and comfortable, I think sweat pants – so what about making casual Fridays into sweat/stretch pant Friday? No? Then tell me what’s the difference between wearing something to work you’d normally wear to bed or for lounging and wearing an uncomfortable fabric that you’ll find in every hick bar across America? Personally, I think the former is not only more comfortable, but less tacky.

So sit on that casual thought for a while... and while you sit on it, I’ll be sitting at work pretending that I’m comfortable.

Never Underestimate a Tuesday

If you were to be any day of the week, what would you be? At first thought, I bet you’d NEVER be Tuesday. Think about it... everyone hates Monday because it’s the start of the week, but at least it’s a powerful day regardless of its negative connotation. Wednesday is “hump day” – how fun is that? This day has its own nickname, thus a beloved addition to the calendar and represents the light at the end of the work week tunnel. Thursday is the “cool kid” on the block as it’s known by many as “Thirsty Thursday” and the preliminary start of the weekend... once you hit Thursday, you know Friday is right around the corner. And Friday. God bless Friday. What a day. You may still have a job to do but you can hear the weekend knocking and if you work, you know that Friday is always a slow, mellow day in the office (not my office per say, but I’ve heard rumors that low-key Fridays do exist). Saturday is Saturday. Enough said. And Sunday is not only holy, but also is the quintessential “school night”.

So what’s Tuesday other than boring? What a random day. It’s not bad or good. It just sits there after the most hated day of the week and waits to introduce hump day. Talk about being a red headed step child.

However, if I have learned anything over the years, it’s to never take a single day for granted and to never underestimate the importance of a Tuesday. Heck, I would even venture to say that I would willingly identify with a Tuesday because the red headed step child day of the week has changed my life.

It was a Tuesday night during the April of my sophomore year at college and I was living every young man’s dream – I was calling a house packed with sorority girls my home, participating in occasional pillow fights and gossiping all night long, scantily clad in boy shorts and a tank top (only some of that is true, and to avoid crushing teenage boys dreams everywhere, I won’t divulge which parts).

I remember this specific Tuesday night so well. Earlier that evening I took a run through campus listening to my Discman – yes, this was the PRE-iPod era – and I remember later that night I wore cropped jeans with one of those ponchos that were so popular at the time – the ones that went over your head and ultimately looked like you were trying to hide a good 50 lbs of weight. That night our house cook made spaghetti for dinner paired with a terrible Oreo cheesecake for dessert. I remember this specific Tuesday night so well.

This specific Tuesday night, my sorority was hosting a dinner for a fraternity that just established itself on campus. Like any good sorority girls, we needed to be cordial and invite these young men to our house to make a good impression, which would consequently lead them to believe that our house was THE best house with THE best girls and maintain our competitive advantage in the Greek system – ah, those were some good, shallow times. And on this specific Tuesday night, I met someone very special.

Fast forward four years.

It was a Tuesday night during the April of my sophomore year of life (aka, two years out of college) and I remember this specific Tuesday night so well. Just like that Tuesday night four year ago, I remember what I wore, what I ate and what I did that day. The special someone who I met just four years prior, was with me this Tuesday night, but instead of sitting across from me at a sorority dinner, he was on one knee asking me to spend the rest of my life with him. I'll remember this specific Tuesday forever.

As I begin to plan my life with this person, I look forward to EVERY single day, because I know that each day can bring something exciting. Based on my experience, I’ve promised myself to not fear Mondays and wish for Saturdays, but to embrace the entire week because you never know what life changing moment can happen on a boring Tuesday night.

Generation Y Not?

Generation Y includes those people born between 1980 and 1995. They are the generation that grew up with successful baby boomer parents, who didn’t make them walk to school up hill both ways, but gave them a car to drive. They are the generation that learned to use a computer before learning how to speak. They are the generation that was given more opportunities than the generations before them could ever dream of. There are a little under 80 million of these pampered, tech savvy youngins’ and they’re taking over the workplace and driving employers insane as they do it.

Recently, a SmartMoney.com columnist wrote an interesting article for employers who have to manage this new breed of adults, because Generation Y is not like any workforce companies have seen. According to this journalist, this new generation tends to "be a little high maintenance," as these young professionals demand more benefits and freedom. Generation Y typically didn’t have to worry about going without as their parents were part of the most successful generation to date, and with that security, Generation Y was able to study abroad, take on risky endeavors and not stress as much about the future and instead was able to live in the now.

What a lucky group. Well, a lucky and stuck up group according to most critics. You’ll find a lot of articles about this generation and the debate is over whether all this opportunity has gone to their heads making them entitled little brats or whether this opportunity has given them the confidence to create a better, more ambitious workplace.

The SmartMoney.com columnist recommends four things that employers should keep in mind to make sure they appease this growing workforce of young twenty somethings, because after all, we really are an untapped resource that potentially could revolutionize business as we know it, and if nothing else, we’ll be taking over the workplace in the next twenty years anyway, so you better get used to us. Since the columnist isn’t part of Generation Y, let’s see how well she captured what “we” really want.

First , the columnist encourages employers to “fully engage young workers”. I would say that I prefer to have a few things to juggle – I don’t stress multitasking, I embrace it. According to the article, since Generation Y grew up an era of technology revolution, we should be given the opportunity to leverage what we know recreationally and apply it to our jobs. So yes, I want a job that allows me to flex my creative muscle and demonstrate how my age is one of my strengths and not my weakness.

The second piece of advice is to “improve retention through incentives” – DUH. I’m pretty sure this advice applies not only to a young college graduate, but also to a 40 something with a high profile job, to a toddler being potty trained and to a dog learning to sit. No matter what generation, incentives are something we all respond to and want; however, I do think that Generation Y is more inclined to actually ASK for the incentives instead of patiently waiting for them. There is that whole Generation Y “entitlement” thing that critics complain about. But I personally think employers should appreciate such forwardness because unlike our 40 something counterpart who may leave a company because they weren’t compensated enough, at least you can try to salvage a position if you know ahead a time what your employee wants.

The columnist also recommends that employers should meet regularly with their Generation Y employees. This is something I completely agree with. Generation Y was raised to be social and growing up we had access to a crazy amount of social activities and have really come to depend on constant communication. So to all employers – the more you meet with your Generation Y employees the better off you’ll be because with each meeting you are creating a social bond that turns into loyalty, which is something that employers complain that their Generation Y employees do not have. Talk to us more and you’ll get a lot more bang for your buck.

Finally, it is recommended to “be true to your culture”. If you’re a formal, buttoned-up bank, don’t put a pool table in the break room just show how “hip” and Generation Y friendly you are. Generation Y is smart bunch of kids and we see right through those kind of things and resent it. Don’t insult us and think that “casual Fridays” makes up for an uptight office – we’re onto you – be real and we’ll do the same.

So overall, I think the columnist gave some pretty good recommendations to manage Generation Y, but there are a few others I’d like to add. Employers – are you listening?! These are pearls of wisdom...

Embrace the ambitious, ditch the lazy – Our generation is part of the most competitive entry-level workforces in history, so we see the good, the bad and the ugly. Don’t be fooled by Generation Y – we’re not all creative, hard working and innovative. Some of us are disguised as ambitious and end up being useless, so please recognize that because those of us who are really the keepers get frustrated when a lazy kid gets a job just because he/she has a blog – no amount of tech savvyness will dig you out of the holes that these sketchy, young morons can create for you.

Don’t remind us how young we are – I think my biggest pet peeve is when I’m reminded that I’m “so young”. I’m not denying I’m young and fairly inexperienced, because I’m both. But I found that generations before us, specifically those people who fall just outside Generation Y, really like to emphasize our youth and I’m thinking it might have to do with a small bit of jealousy – we may have been give a lot of opportunity, but a lot of us have worked hard in our short lifetimes.

We may have nontraditional work styles, but we still have traditions – Although Generation Y has introduced unconventional ideas to the business world and opened up unique and innovative doors for employers, it doesn’t mean we don’t value conventional lifestyles. Forget about Samantha Jones, you’d be surprised by how many of us want to get married before 30. We go to family birthday parties. We want to have dinner at a decent time. We value our time outside of work. Yes, we’re definitely an ambitious bunch, but that ambition applies to our personal lives as well so don’t think that adding a high-tech espresso machine to the office is going to make us happy as we work late, letting us have a life outside work is the best energy boost of all.

So, to all those employers fearing the Generation Y workforce invasion: don’t sweat it. Don’t think you have to bend over backwards for us because at the end of the day, we need you just as much as you need us. However, taking advice on how to manage us better may just benefit you in more ways than one because everyone could gain from some extra communication and a more relaxed work environment.

The next time you are faced with making a change to appease this young group, give it a try and don’t ask yourself “why”, ask yourself “Y not?”

How do you spell Chipotle? L-O-V-E

Why do I LOVE Chipotle? First, let me state the obvious. Who doesn’t love a full, delicious meal wrapped in a convenient tortilla shell? I mean, come on. Its not only mouthwatering, it’s portable. And recently, I was granted 10 of these foil covered morsels for FREE after my business card was pulled from a raffle. Could a girl get any luckier?! Well actually, as I ate my free burrito, I was keeping my eye open for a hidden diamond ring, but my luck had apparently run out. Next burrito.

So why am I gushing over these burritos? Two reasons: one, they were free and I mean, how cool is that? The cost of 10 burritos probably totals a little under 70 bucks and if you ask me, that’s one nice giveaway. Leave it to Chipotle to be generous to the common man. And two, I ordered all the food through their “DSL” website, which stands for “Don’t Stand in Line”, and I was very impressed.

I’ll admit that at first I was a bit confused with the whole online ordering process. In fact, I accidently processed a “practice order” of mine and had to call the restaurant at 8 am to cancel my mistake. My bad. Once I finally got it down, I had a laundry list of complicated orders and a few special requests; one of my colleagues didn’t want cilantro in his rice and I assumed asking Chipotle to make a cilantro-less burrito is like ordering Oreo cookie ice cream without the Oreo – pretty much impossible. But I made the request anyway and I also asked that they label each burrito with a name of the person they would go to – a shot in the dark request, but wouldn’t that just make life so much easier? I then specified the time I would be in and hoped for the best.

Now, I have never been one to have much luck with to-go orders. Something always seems to be missing and someone always ends up getting upset. In this case with the burritos, the pressure was really on because what if the boss’s burrito missing?!

When I arrived to pick up my order, I happily bypassed the hungry lunchtime crowd standing in line. After identifying myself and handing over my credentials (i.e. the “Congratulations, you’re a winner!” certificate), I was handed two full bags and immediately was astonished to see that the burritos had a name associated with each one; if they were the correct name, I wasn’t sure and didn't even care... I was just amazed that they did it.

So I come barreling back into the office like a Mexican Santa with sacks full of Chipotle and lo and behold the right names are on the right order. [insert wiping of brow]. Now the final test would be when my boss bit into his burrito – would he find cilantro and fire me? Or would he be greeted by plain rice and realize what an asset I am to the team? Well, let’s just say that I’m a burrito bearing asset. I didn’t even know that Chipotle would honor cilantro-less requests. What a place. This is why I L-O-V-E Chipotle.